Toleration In Desire [F]

I am definitely a late-bloomer; allow me to explain: I finally quit my dreadful, going nowhere job — Freedom Cry — I did this awhile ago but haven’t had the time to share the great news. No one word can describe my exuberance, but a few profane remarks were yawped aloud on that glorious day.

The reason why I took the job in the first place…as a mere machine operator/industrial chemical cleaner/orderly (I hate admitting that. Kind of shameful) is because a respectable man I was living with at the time, was made redundant. He was having difficulty paying the bills so I chose to support him/both of us until the day he found himself a steady income and I could do something worthwhile with my life. I alone made that decision three years ago.

I was a shy, stuttering lost boy when I was given my hospital uniform, but I was happy. It felt like the right thing to be doing. I wasn’t wrong, but just as time heals grief, if you’re inattentive to the passing and lose track of the initial reason for why you’re doing the thing you’re doing, rationalization can be swallowed by contempt. I felt like a real nobody – shame amongst friends, shame amongst strangers – Wouldn’t you in my position?

It took a few odd encounters and soul-searching (it wasn’t like I didn’t have the time) to find out what I wanted, and I am finally in a position to do something about my life.

First Semester at the University of Auckland (UoA) began last week. Guess what? I am a first year student and proud…ish. I qualify as being a ‘mature student.’ I’m not fond of the term, but truth is truth. Though my stubble catches a few gazes from some of the more younger generations, the classes/papers/majors I’ve taken are straightforward enough, making me wish I had done this a looong time ago.

Then again, I may have needed a reason to desire it first.

“Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.”
~ Albert Einstein ~